Lawyer wants to withdraw from his church's Charity Christmas Program, after his allocated "family-in-need" requests luxury gifts instead of necessities: 'I can’t afford to buy half of this stuff for myself'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Nov 29, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Christmas is not only a special time of the year for receiving, but it is also a time for giving back to those in need. Soup kitchens, donating gifts to charity, or simply giving out some extra gingerbread men on your drive home…No act of giving is too big or too small during this holiday season! So it is natural to want to wrap others in joy, ensuring that you showcase your gratitude by doing your part…But what if others actually do judge your act of giving as 'insufficient'?

Every year, this church-goer participates in a charity Christmas program, where festive individuals can "adopt" a family-in-need and provide them with all the necessities and small gifts they need to have a joyous and comfortable Christmas. However, this year seemed to have a bit more of an 'unfamiliar' approach…He got paired with a family of 7: a single mother with 6 children. In his mind, he was already excitedly preparing his gift ideas: warm coats, maybe a nice new pair of shoes. But when he received a list of their unrealistic requests, he was unpleasantly surprised by their entitlement…Igniting doubts on whether they were actually a family-in-need or more of a family-with-expensive-taste…

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  • iPhones, e-scooters, the list went on. He was still a man in his 20s paying off over $200k in student loans, he couldn't even afford half those items himself, let alone gift them to others…He began to doubt the screening period of this process and started planning his exit strategy. Because what started as a wholesome charity laced in Christmas spirit is starting to feel a lot like having a bunch of kids you can't afford…oh wait!

  • 01
    "The kids all asked for iPhones, iPads, a drone with camera, e-bike or e scooter"
    via handmadefont

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    AITAH when charity Christmas List made me want to withdraw

    Hello all, I'm a 27m lawyer and I always do a charity Christmas program where we "adopt" families and provide them with necessities and small gifts they put on a list with the church.
    via Illustrious-Test2418
  • 03
    The list is formatted to include a column for shoe and clothing sizes, as this is the main goal.
    via Illustrious-Test2418
  • 04
    This year, we received a family that included the mother, which was odd but understandable. I would include a photo of the spreadsheet, but it didn't allow it.
    via Illustrious-Test2418
  • 05
    This family of 7 (a mom and 6 kids with 4 over 16) all asked for lists that exclude clothing or limit to really expensive stuff only.
    via Illustrious-Test2418
  • 06
    The kids all asked for "iPhone, iPad, drone with camera, e-bike or e scooter." The 4 kids over 16 all asked for things in addition to these items that included "von Dutch clothing and Jordan's specifically, not off brand." The mom asked for a target gift card, which is not our cheapest local grocery store.
    via Illustrious-Test2418
  • 07
    Edit 2: for clarity, the mom didn't ONLY ask for a target gift card. This was in addition to fashion nova bodysuits, waxing kits, skincare kit, and Stanley cups.
    via Illustrious-Test2418
  • 08
    I can't afford to buy half of this stuff for myself? It's possible that some members of my church are able to do this stuff, but I simply couldn't afford any of their lists.
    via Illustrious-Test2418
  • 09
    I want to withdraw because I feel like I can't get what they want and I'm also a little aggravated because of the situation.
    via Illustrious-Test2418
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    Cheezburger Image 10581026560
    via gettysignature

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    AITAH? Edit: I just want to add that I am a first gen college student with $200k in student loan debt and can only save around $500 a month currently.
    via Illustrious-Test2418
  • 12
    lovewholly NTA. Totally reasonable to withdraw. Honestly, I'd show the list to the church. I can't imagine anyone buying a total stranger multiple iPads, iPhones, designer clothes, electric scooters... The more I think about it, the more it sounds like they're going to collect these items and resell them for cash. Does this family actually exist? The whole thing sounds shady.
    via lovewholly
  • 13
    OP Illustrious-Test2418 If I hadn't participated in the program for 5 years I would be skeptical too. It's possible I've encountered my first "bad egg." But, the past years had rules limiting participants to 16 and under, no parents. This year it was like open season on that in addition to them allowing apparently huge asks on the lists.
    via Illustrious-Test2418
  • 14
    ThePythiaof Apollo This is a grift, not a family in desperate need genuinely looking for help.
    via ThePythiaofApollo
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    OP Illustrious-Test2418 I had to google grift but now I've added it to my vocabulary! It does seem like an attempt to use the Christmas event as a way to maybe get items for re-sell? Because some members were 5F and asking for the same "iphone, iPad, drone with camera, ebike" list.
    via Illustrious-Test2418
  • 16
    not-your-mom-123 Withdraw. These are not people in need, they want their dreams fulfilled without working for them. Expensive taste = get a job. You are not wrong. Their expectations are beyond basic necessities or even fun stuff. Nobody is going to pay your loans off, and charity begins at home.
    via not--your-mom-123
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    Cheezburger Image 10581026816
    via pp1011011

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 18
    OP Illustrious-Test2418 Thanks for this. I've really had to help out within my family a lot recently, but even in stronger years I would not have been able to do this one. I was shocked that one of the kids was an 18M. I've worked since I was 15 so it was just a total shock to see that on the list. The past years they capped it at 16 year old kids no parent inclusions.
    via Illustrious-Test2418
  • 19
    ncjr591 I stopped doing this years ago, I'm a teacher and we do the same thing, I got a family and the kid wanted a new iPhone. I went to my admin and said I don't do this for my own children and said I can't afford this. She tried to make me feel guilty I said nope. I haven't done it since. Some people have nerves.
    via ncjr591
  • 20
    OP Illustrious-Test2418 Right. I had to finance my cellphone. I pay monthly because the upfront price was too much for me comfortably lol. How the heck could I buy 5 of them wholesale.
    via Illustrious-Test2418
  • 21
    LadyDes91 NTA. Withdraw, you can not afford what they want. Even if you could their wants are extreme. Don't end up needing charity trying to help others.
    via LadyDes91
  • 22
    OP Illustrious-Test2418 Right. I do understand that most kids want a tablet, but I really couldn't even afford the Amazon fire tablet version comfortably for them when I looked. I know they'll be disappointed with what I could get. I imagined getting a coat and shoes for a kid that would have otherwise had blistered feet and cold shoulders like I did at times. My mother would have never allowed me to make a list like this
    via Illustrious-Test2418
  • 23
    Competitive_Sleep_21 I got a family once and the mom was allowed to ask for something for herself and she asked for dish soap. This is on the organizers too for not better managing expectations.
    via Competitive_Sleep_21
  • 24
    OP Illustrious-Test2418 I did see some allocations like that on the list. One mom asked for baking pans, winter coat, and a public transit pass. However, this family wasn't assigned to me of course. The mother on the list I was assigned asked for "Stanley cups, fashion nova body suits, waxing kits, target gift card, (some kind of skincare kit I can't remember that was $150)."
    via Illustrious-Test2418
  • 25
    NTA OctoWings 13 This is obviously NOT a family that this program was designed for and is CLEARLY a scam I wouldn't be any part of this, and put my charity efforts towards people who actually need it.
    via OctoWings13
  • 26
    OP Illustrious-Test2418 It was really frustrating to read because as I read the lists I was like, "man I want an e-bike too." Haha I currently commute to work via public transit/subway.
    via Illustrious-Test2418

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chirstmas charity gifts families pricey shopping list expensive in-need
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